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Take in the Good

2/6/2018

4 Comments

 
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"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." - Cicero

As a new Mom I've caught myself oscillating between the highs and lows of excitement and lethargy, joy and frustration. I relish in the moments as I play with my son and am captivated by his smiles and development. On the flipside I find myself focusing on the negative, feeling disappointment for not organizing the house like I had planned or not exercising during his nap or for not finishing personal projects. I guess it’s the new-Mom guilt, but I had an epiphany last night that this negativity may be symptomatic of a neglected gratitude practice.

Whether you’re a new parent or not, it’s tough to accomplish all that we’ve planned in a day (setting S.M.A.R.T. goals can help with that). But focusing on what we didn’t accomplish negates all that we did. Focusing on the negative causes us to forget all we have to be grateful for. This negative thinking is often unproductive, but it’s human nature. Have you heard of the negativity bias? Did you know that we're hardwired for negativity? Remembering this helps relieve my self-criticism and makes me want to do something about it. But what is there to do? 

Practice Gratitude and Take in the Good.
I wrote about the power of gratitude in a prior post and the power is real. There are hundreds of studies that have documented the social, physical, and psychological benefits of gratitude. To name a few, gratitude:
  • Increases happiness and life satisfaction and boosts feelings of optimism, joy, pleasure, and enthusiasm.
  • Reduces anxiety and depression.
  • Strengthens the immune system, lowers blood pressure and makes us less bothered by aches and pains.
  • Helps us sleep better.
  • Strengthens relationships and promotes forgiveness.

Keeping a gratitude journal is one way to battle our negativity bias. Another one is to Take in the Good. This is a practice that I was introduced to in the book Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. From the author himself, here’s how to Take in the Good – in three simple steps:

 1. Look for good facts and events and turn them into good experiences.
Pay attention to the good things in your world and inside yourself. This may include beautiful sunsets, songs on the radio, chocolate, the smell of a baby's hair, getting something done at work, finishing the dishes, an unexpected compliment, holding your temper, getting yourself to the gym, etc. When you notice something good, let yourself feel good about it. Keep opening up to it, breathing and relaxing.

 2.  Extend the experience in time and space.
Most of the time, a good experience is pretty mild and short lived and that is fine. But try to stay with it for 20 or 30 seconds in a row – instead of getting distracted by something else. Try to let it fill your body and be as intense as possible.

 3.  Sense that the good experience is sinking into you.
People do this in different ways. Some feel it in their body like a warm glow spreading through their chest. Others visualize things like a golden light sinking down inside, bringing good feelings and soothing old places of hurt.

By intentionally savoring these experiences, it becomes easier to find the good throughout everyday life. This is because neurons that fire together wire together. Holding these good experiences in our awareness for just a little bit longer and more frequently literally rewires the brain, making it easier to find and feel them. Life's challenges and to-do's won't be going anywhere. That laundry will still need to be put away; that kettle bell will still be looking lonely. But taking in the good can lift our energy and spirits, help put challenges in perspective, and fill up our cup so we have more to offer to ourselves and others.

4 Comments
Nicole Ocampo
2/8/2018 09:54:20 am

Love this post Annie! I am a firm believer in practicing gratitude and can honestly see the impact it has in my everyday life and my interactions with people, experiences and most importantly my response when facing challenges. I am grateful for the moments of pause when I can remind myself that I am love, I am capable, I am enough! What a blessing each day is to step into our truest most authentic selves and to share that with the world. I am so happy to see and read you doing well! ❤️

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Andie
2/9/2018 09:07:43 am

Thanks for such an inspiring comment Nicole! Great to hear from you and it makes me smile to envision such positivity radiating through you and in your life!! Continue sharing it and embodying it xoxoxo

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Sharon Porat
2/9/2018 12:47:21 pm

Andie, beautifully written and great reminders for us all, thank you for posting.

It is so true that we as human nature tend to focus on all the negative things and I think as a mom, especially being a new mom, transitioning into caring for another being & all the new tasks and sleep pattern changes can be very frustrating while trying to take care of the household and not neglect our own needs. And it is easy to focus on the negative things of what hasn't been accomplished rather then embrace this amazing miracle of a new life we have created and are ability to care for the new being. And I think it is great to be aware and catch ourselves and switch to the gratitude tone of reminding ourselves as mothers how amazing this process is and be thankful for being granted to have the privilege of being a mom and being blessed especially when our babies our healthy. And I have noticed in my experience of frustration with time management with my kids and when I begin my negative thought train, that when I make the conscious switch to focus on the positive things by counting my blessings that these negative thoughts drain out and the smile returns to my face, and then my thoughts settle and I am able to become more present. I realized when I drift into the negative chain of thoughts I am no longer present nor connected with my environment and when I switch to the grateful tone I am more present and enjoy my environment. This concept of practicing gratitude reminds me of the principles written in the book, The Secret and how positive thoughts prevail positive situations. So when we are grateful we attract all these good things or in other words we see things in a more positive light.

I like your reference, neurons that fire together wire together. As there is more validity in seeing how biology backs up these concepts. I recall in a chemistry class the professor explaining that when you have exited electrons their frequency excites other electrons and it is a validation from an atomic level of how we as individuals affect one another.

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Andie
2/10/2018 04:28:29 pm

Sharon you are spot on with your reflections, thank you for sharing and building off of my entry! It is true that we lose touch with the present moment while ruminating on the negative, another powerful reason to monitor our thoughts.
Looking forward to visiting with you next week and enabling our electrons to excite eachother! ♡♡♡

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    Author

    Hello and welcome! My name is Andrea Notch Mayzeles. I am a Certified Health Education Specialist, Mom, and Master of Public Health dedicated to the path of well-being. As a wellness professional I am committed to continued learning and am here to share research, recipes and musings on health, psychology, personal development, and parenting. I hope you enjoy!

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